Really a whole line of products called Miso Pretty? Fuck me. Clever people, real clever. I bet the Asian girl you dated in college when you got yellow fever loved it when you got her the lotion.
By the way, I sampled it. It smells like vomited up cigarettes.
17.3.09
16.3.09
I don't hate white people
I really don't hate white people. I married one. My kids are half white.
Come to think of it, most of my friends are white.
How the hell did that happen?
Come to think of it, most of my friends are white.
How the hell did that happen?
14.3.09
Gifted Children Testing
My daughter is gifted. I know it, other people know it, she is freakishly bright. I'm not sure what I did right as a parent. Before she entered school, she was reading at second and third grade level. Imagine my surprise when she tested at kindergarten reading level during a school assessment. I hate to be the parent who waves an angry fist shouting "My child's better than that!"
I calmly spoke with the teacher and found out that she did not perform the assessment herself. An district staff comes to do all the testing. A few days later, the teacher made her own observations and found that my daughter can do a heck of a lot more than the district gave her credit for. Her teacher adjusted the reading material for my daughter, we move on.
Today I talked with another parent, who's daughter is at the same reading and vocabulary level with my darling. Turns out they tested her for Advanced Placement Program and ....didn't pass. She did not want to switch school anyway, and signed up for testing for curiosity's sake.
What was upsetting is that this child should have pass the APP requirements with flying colors! She tested low on vocab, which is absurd! This girl is talkative. She is not afraid to use no-so kindergarten words. Like my daughter, she is also a biracial/minority child.
After some discussions with the teachers, we see a pattern emerging. Other minority children are testing lower than their classroom teachers' observations. There are discrepancies between the district's assessment of a child of color and the actual performance level. It was suggested during this conversation that the district assessors may not know or be comfortable working with children of color.
To make a jump in my argument, without having seen an assessment in progress, I ask if the racist undertone of white academics is responsible? Could this be? The assessor walks into the a certain low performing school, or a poor neighborhood and mentally marks it as have low potential for gifted students. If a student of color struggles and pauses while sounding out a word, the tester assumes the child does not know the answer. Perhaps the same pause in reading can happen with a white child in a more well to do neighborhood and the same tester may give the child more time and encouragement because he or she knows this kid can do it.
I don't have a big file of examples and data. I do think the incident noted here should raise a red flag in the implementation of advanced placement testing.
I calmly spoke with the teacher and found out that she did not perform the assessment herself. An district staff comes to do all the testing. A few days later, the teacher made her own observations and found that my daughter can do a heck of a lot more than the district gave her credit for. Her teacher adjusted the reading material for my daughter, we move on.
Today I talked with another parent, who's daughter is at the same reading and vocabulary level with my darling. Turns out they tested her for Advanced Placement Program and ....didn't pass. She did not want to switch school anyway, and signed up for testing for curiosity's sake.
What was upsetting is that this child should have pass the APP requirements with flying colors! She tested low on vocab, which is absurd! This girl is talkative. She is not afraid to use no-so kindergarten words. Like my daughter, she is also a biracial/minority child.
After some discussions with the teachers, we see a pattern emerging. Other minority children are testing lower than their classroom teachers' observations. There are discrepancies between the district's assessment of a child of color and the actual performance level. It was suggested during this conversation that the district assessors may not know or be comfortable working with children of color.
To make a jump in my argument, without having seen an assessment in progress, I ask if the racist undertone of white academics is responsible? Could this be? The assessor walks into the a certain low performing school, or a poor neighborhood and mentally marks it as have low potential for gifted students. If a student of color struggles and pauses while sounding out a word, the tester assumes the child does not know the answer. Perhaps the same pause in reading can happen with a white child in a more well to do neighborhood and the same tester may give the child more time and encouragement because he or she knows this kid can do it.
I don't have a big file of examples and data. I do think the incident noted here should raise a red flag in the implementation of advanced placement testing.
4.3.09
She's got the best of both worlds.
Miley, Miley. I feel obliged to put in my two cents on this hot topic. Hannah Montana makes slanty eyes in a personal photo with friends. Some thinks this gesture does not count as offensive because a) She didn't mean any harm and b) there was an Asian guy in the picture.
Neither of those points make her and her friends' gestures any less hurtful and confusing to her thousands of Asian American fans. Cyrus is however, just a 16 year old girl, a child, despite her provocative fashion. Should we judge young Miley for a private photo not meant to be part of a movie promotion. After all it's hard to be a role model all the time and people make mistakes. I'm okay with mistakes.
I'm NOT okay with lame-ass non-apologetic apologies. "I didn't mean anything. They were just goofy faces. Stop picking on me because Brittany is not crazy anymore." WTF? Okay now slanty eyes are goofy? We're taking it out of context. In what context, Miley, is it okay to ridicule an entire race? Did you think digging your own grave with a shovel wasn't fast enough, so you rented a bulldozer?
Miley Cyrus doesn't make me as mad as the adults in her life. Where are the parents, managers, and publicists? They should have stepped up immediately and helped Miley Cyrus with an real response. I don't care if she's a spoiled brat or a saint in disguise. She is a multimillion dollar starlet under the Disney umbrella. Shouldn't the giant team of people working on her image make sure an mistake is handled properly? Shouldn't they have been alerted to the public anger when the Organization of Chinese American demanded an apology on behave of all Asian Americans?
My kindergartener throws a tandrum on a playdate and I make her write an apology letter to her friend. My toddler pulls the neighbor dog's tail and I make her say sorry to the dog. I don't blame Ms. Cyrus. She's only a kid. I hold the adults responsible.
By the way, what about the ENTIRE Spanish basketball team doing slanty eyes for an official photo shoot published in a newspaper in preparation for the China Olympics? Or the Spanish women tennis team doing the same thing?
UPDATE: The Cyrus adults stepped up and issued a second apology. Too little, too late.
Neither of those points make her and her friends' gestures any less hurtful and confusing to her thousands of Asian American fans. Cyrus is however, just a 16 year old girl, a child, despite her provocative fashion. Should we judge young Miley for a private photo not meant to be part of a movie promotion. After all it's hard to be a role model all the time and people make mistakes. I'm okay with mistakes.
I'm NOT okay with lame-ass non-apologetic apologies. "I didn't mean anything. They were just goofy faces. Stop picking on me because Brittany is not crazy anymore." WTF? Okay now slanty eyes are goofy? We're taking it out of context. In what context, Miley, is it okay to ridicule an entire race? Did you think digging your own grave with a shovel wasn't fast enough, so you rented a bulldozer?
Miley Cyrus doesn't make me as mad as the adults in her life. Where are the parents, managers, and publicists? They should have stepped up immediately and helped Miley Cyrus with an real response. I don't care if she's a spoiled brat or a saint in disguise. She is a multimillion dollar starlet under the Disney umbrella. Shouldn't the giant team of people working on her image make sure an mistake is handled properly? Shouldn't they have been alerted to the public anger when the Organization of Chinese American demanded an apology on behave of all Asian Americans?
My kindergartener throws a tandrum on a playdate and I make her write an apology letter to her friend. My toddler pulls the neighbor dog's tail and I make her say sorry to the dog. I don't blame Ms. Cyrus. She's only a kid. I hold the adults responsible.
By the way, what about the ENTIRE Spanish basketball team doing slanty eyes for an official photo shoot published in a newspaper in preparation for the China Olympics? Or the Spanish women tennis team doing the same thing?
UPDATE: The Cyrus adults stepped up and issued a second apology. Too little, too late.
Say my name!
If your are a person of color, you know there are people out there who insist on pronouncing your name "ethnic." Here's what an introduction might sound like:
Scenario 1:
Hi, my name is Jane.
Nice to meet you, Jane (pronouncing it: Gee-un) Is that short for something?
Or it might go like this . . .
Scenario 2:
Hi, my name is Jane.
Oh, I like the American name you picked. But really, what's your real name?
Scenario 1:
Hi, my name is Jane.
Nice to meet you, Jane (pronouncing it: Gee-un) Is that short for something?
Or it might go like this . . .
Scenario 2:
Hi, my name is Jane.
Oh, I like the American name you picked. But really, what's your real name?
1.3.09
Drowning
I was at a party recently. As with most other parties, I'm the token minority in the group. Usually it doesn't really matter. But this time I really felt looked at. I could tell people were just itching to ask, "Where are you from? What ethnicity are you?" They kept dancing around the subject in our small talk. A few minutes in I just found ways to bring it up, "I'm Chinese. I moved here as a kid. Lived in Seattle for 18 years." In response I heard, "Oh, no wonder you speak English so good." Well, you idiot, speak English so well. I told them what they wanted to hear so they were less distracted and we could concentrate in our pointless talks about weather and rising house prices.
In addition to race, I had nothing in common with the other guests. I spent all night wondering when I had been at the party long enough to leave politely. Arrogant discussions that I over heard included:
- Who has THE BEST educational program to take your infant to learn learn 4 foreign languages, improve fine motor skills, and develop an appreciation of classical music?
- Which local co-op has the best food container for reusing?
- "What's the name of that great new vegan cafe?"
It felt like I was drowning in a sea of white liberals.
As my life flashed before my eyes at these last moments, I remembered a conversation with an acquaintance way back in high school. Then as now, I was friends with an all white group. My then boyfriend did have one other Chinese as a friend, Henry, who was several years older than us juniors and seniors. Of course everyone expected us to get along well because after all, we were both Chinese. Henry was from northern China and I was from Hong Kong, barely considered a part of China back in 1997. We didn't have much to talk about.
After a year or so, we did end up becoming friends. I remember one day we were picking up another friend and we talked in the car while we waited. You see, most soulful and pivotal exchanges between people happen in cars. We talked about our families, our childhood as an immigrants, and our stupid and spoiled middle class white friends. We both wondered how and why we seemed to gravitate toward whites as friends, even though we ended up feeling hurt and left out so much of the time. We were both young adults trying to find our identity in the world. Henry summed it up best when he said,
"The more white we get, the more more Chinese we feel."
We both wanted to be Americanized so badly that we try to be friends with typical white Americans. We were trying to be white by association. In our attempt, two things ended up happening. One, as we integrated ourselves into the white world, we were surrounded by people who made it a point to remind us of how different we were. Two, as we "succeeded" in assimilating into the white world, we felt lost and adrift. We put all our strength into pushing ourselves away from our Asian base and into the sea of mainstream America. Once we were safely away from our Asian shore, we grasped at anything Asian left on us, like it was the only life jacket on the boat.
Henry and I sat in our little dingy that night, looking at each other in confusion and asking why we worked so hard to severe our ties when it put us out at a lonely foggy sea. We kept rowing away.
Now ten years after our confession, I think I know why we hold on to the pieces of Chinese left in us. We cling on to our Chinese roots because when we finally have all the accessories and possessions that are supposed to identify us as white mainstream Americans, we realize that we will never be accepted or fully acknowledged. We are like a child who thoughtlessly cast aside an old trusted toy to save up for a new popular model. But after the excitement wears off we remember that old toy. In regret we run out to find the old toy in the yard, faded, broken and rusting. There is no way to undo all the signs of neglect.
In addition to race, I had nothing in common with the other guests. I spent all night wondering when I had been at the party long enough to leave politely. Arrogant discussions that I over heard included:
- Who has THE BEST educational program to take your infant to learn learn 4 foreign languages, improve fine motor skills, and develop an appreciation of classical music?
- Which local co-op has the best food container for reusing?
- "What's the name of that great new vegan cafe?"
It felt like I was drowning in a sea of white liberals.
As my life flashed before my eyes at these last moments, I remembered a conversation with an acquaintance way back in high school. Then as now, I was friends with an all white group. My then boyfriend did have one other Chinese as a friend, Henry, who was several years older than us juniors and seniors. Of course everyone expected us to get along well because after all, we were both Chinese. Henry was from northern China and I was from Hong Kong, barely considered a part of China back in 1997. We didn't have much to talk about.
After a year or so, we did end up becoming friends. I remember one day we were picking up another friend and we talked in the car while we waited. You see, most soulful and pivotal exchanges between people happen in cars. We talked about our families, our childhood as an immigrants, and our stupid and spoiled middle class white friends. We both wondered how and why we seemed to gravitate toward whites as friends, even though we ended up feeling hurt and left out so much of the time. We were both young adults trying to find our identity in the world. Henry summed it up best when he said,
"The more white we get, the more more Chinese we feel."
We both wanted to be Americanized so badly that we try to be friends with typical white Americans. We were trying to be white by association. In our attempt, two things ended up happening. One, as we integrated ourselves into the white world, we were surrounded by people who made it a point to remind us of how different we were. Two, as we "succeeded" in assimilating into the white world, we felt lost and adrift. We put all our strength into pushing ourselves away from our Asian base and into the sea of mainstream America. Once we were safely away from our Asian shore, we grasped at anything Asian left on us, like it was the only life jacket on the boat.
Henry and I sat in our little dingy that night, looking at each other in confusion and asking why we worked so hard to severe our ties when it put us out at a lonely foggy sea. We kept rowing away.
Now ten years after our confession, I think I know why we hold on to the pieces of Chinese left in us. We cling on to our Chinese roots because when we finally have all the accessories and possessions that are supposed to identify us as white mainstream Americans, we realize that we will never be accepted or fully acknowledged. We are like a child who thoughtlessly cast aside an old trusted toy to save up for a new popular model. But after the excitement wears off we remember that old toy. In regret we run out to find the old toy in the yard, faded, broken and rusting. There is no way to undo all the signs of neglect.
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