I'd like an order of Side Asian, please.

What is Side Asian? Like a sidekick? Or maybe the term is used as in "Side Car." A little cute attachment that goes along for the ride next to you. Sean Connery sitting there with his old school briefcase and umbrella.

For only $2.29, you can add a Side Asian to keep you company during lunch. What a deal! I need a Side Asian.

Kansas 6th Grader, Clara Ma, Names Mars Rover

NASA's 2011 Mars Science Laboratory rover has a name: Curiosity. Twelve year-old, Clara Ma, of Lenexa, Kansas sent in her suggestion and supporting essay, beating the pants off the other 9000 entries from children around the country. Clara now gets the honor to visit JPL and sign her name on the rover.

Go girl! Being part of space exploration sure makes up for growing up Asian American in KANSAS.

Fly your name to Mars on Curiosity's microchip. Check out the participation map on the page. As of this morning, only 19 people in Wyoming have their names on the microchip. Come on Wyoming, gotta represent!

Olympic Mascot Recipe

Have you seen the Vancouver Winter Olympic mascots created by design team Meomi. It's a genetic deviation of the Beijing mascots. Another cutesy Asian cartoon set.

Olympic Mascot Must Haves:
Big round beady eyes. Check.
Round chubby newborn-like body shape. Check.
Embodiment of animal, spirit, or element. Check.
Incredible merchandising power. Check.

Whatever, I still think they are wicked adorable. Quatchi, Miga, Sumi, and Mukmuk you can come to my house for Tang and cookies anytime.

Secret Identities: The Asian American Superhero Anthology

I promised a review of Secret Identities and I’m here to deliver. Get a copy now!

Powerful and approachable. A pioneer in storytelling. Secret Identities (SI) features Asian American (AA) characters in plots launched from current and historical AA events. Like a superhero, SI strikes social atrocities without any fear. Harsh realities ranging from interment, to detainees, to immigration are treated with respect and dignity. It speaks of our past and inspires the future.

This anthology goes beyond the usual fare in Asian American literature, beyond the pains of immigrant assimilation and of youth straddling two cultures. The stories probe far beyond individual experiences and delve into the social practices and implication of Asian American life. Questioning and calling into examination institutionalized racism and the undercurrent of power against AA.

I admire the approach taken by the creators to develop a piece written with AA as the target audience. Too often, contemporary Asian American literature becomes a shout of angry with the goal to illuminate our hardship for non Asian Americans to gain an understanding of our sphere. While SI does serve to bridge the gap, more importantly it captures the collective Asian American psyche. Multiple readings are needed for the full depth of the intricacies to emerge.

Secret Identities is more than a book. It’s a product of Asian American joining up and declaring the success and vibrancy of our population.

I hope sales will be successful enough for a second volume to follow. I look forward to seeing the current stories such as the Hibakusha develop further as well as increase inclusion of Southeast and South Asian stories. I want to pre-order copies of Volume 2 today!

Gotta go read Secret Identities from cover to cover again!

Damn You All to Hell!

Angry Asian Man figured out the Asian (Hamburger) Helper mystery!

Soylent Yellow, anyone?

Breeding Ignorance

This really ticked me off.

An elementary school in Eugene, Oregon temporary removes an exhibit on mixed identities due to parent protest. The photo gallery featured portraits of community members, including one transgender. The word queer was used on the caption written by the subject.

Some parents are upset because they feel they should be the one to bring up the subject of sexuality when their children are ready for the discussion. They felt ambushed. Hey! People with your heads buried in the sand, if your kid asks what “queer” means then they are ready for an honest age-appropriate discussion.

I wish the school didn’t take the exhibit down for a month before putting it back. I wish they said to those blockheads to shove it and realized that they are not the only people in the world.

Not all the parents feel this way. I’m sure it’s a case of a few outspoken parents who whine enough to get their way. I’m sure their kids are deadly afraid of asking their parents about any new words now. I mean ask “what’s queer?” and shit gets ripped off the walls at school, news reporters show up, mom and dad are having heated talks with the principle. Yes junior, Mommy and Daddy are mad because of something you said. Idiots. Now your kid’s going to hear words like rock candy, bong, or condom and guess who will they look to for guidance….not their own parents! That’s for sure.

Morons.

Sex in Space: The Book

I thought this Sex in Space book was a joke at first. Wonder when they'll make Sex in Space: The Movie . . . . . . Sex in Space: The Musical . . . . . . Sex in Space: The Interpretive Dance?

Here's part of the product description:

"As hoteliers design zero-gravity hotel suites for out-of-this-world unions and with the first honeymoon in space already scheduled . . . Has anyone "done it" in space? . . . Have astronauts and cosmonauts practiced "docking maneuvers" while in orbit?"

Like most things, they've probably had this book in Europe for years. And I'm sure it's also banned in China.

Interpreter, please!

My mom’s great. Supportive, caring, wise. But she is not the person you want around during an emergency. She’s …um slow, when under stress. At a recent Yee Family dinner, my sweet darling two year old nephew jumped up and down on his chair (I know, right?) slipped, fell, hitting the table on his way down. We all felt the table jolt as his little head flopped back. My mom happened to be the only person to witness the injury, as the rest of us were in conversation. (Please don’t call CPS on us.) My brother was soothing the screaming child. I started to question the witness:

Me: Mama, where did he hit?

Mom: He hit the table.

(Thanks, Sherlock. Stay calm.)

Me: Where was the contact point?

Mom: On the edge of the table. Right there. (pointing to the table)

(Keep it together. Don’t make Mom cry. My brothers are giggling by now.)

Me: You saw him fall, right? Where on his FACE did he hit the table with, Mama?

Mom: Yes, he hit his head on the table.

AAAAAHHHHHHHH! Fuck.

Ethnic Food Family

Did some grocery shopping today. Ran into Hamburger Helper’s Asian Wife and Aquatic Cousin. Asian Helper will fry you up real nice.

Secret Identities

Secret Identities: The Asian American Superhero Anthology is about the coolest book I have seen this year. Fraking awesome comics. Not afraid to call racism out and charges on full strength.

I'm only 1/4 of the way into it. Will give a more complete review soon. Ya'll should get yo'self a copy.

Glo Pets

South Korean team clones glow in the dark puppies. What did I tell you? Crazy Asian Magic. That shit is wicked.

Saw some neon injected fish at the pet store the other day. Maybe I should get a tank of glow fish for the entry way. Bring good feng shui, know what I'm sayin'? It'll be like a neon sign with "Open 24/7" luring the good stuff in. The pet store lady said the color goes away after a few months. Yeah, they fade. Lame. I'll be stuck with regular feng shui attracting fish. Not worth it.

Who's Responsible For Teaching?

If I have a dime every time I hear a white parent say how they love for their kids to attend an ethnically diverse school , I would have enough to buy me a nice fancy meal at some upscale Italian-Russian fusion restaurant. Maybe even enough for some snooty desert. It's like the IT thing to enroll your kids in a poor neighborhood school and be one of three white kids in the class.

WTF? When did children of color become a school feature? They talk about minority kids like it's a hotel with a pool. Crossing the color line is great, but at some point during your school selection process, the "high minority ratio" factor and having ethnic friends get objectified as an accessory to your children’s education.

"Oh, it'll be great. Ghetto Elementary has a strong arts program and the playground is newly donated by Bill Gates. Best of all, the school is so diverse. My child will get to just soak up all that culture."

Get over it, our kids are not an amenity you pay extra for. I know you mean well, you are trying to culture your kids because the only POC your life has ever encounter was that one Korean family you met at a wedding and you had a 5 minute conversation with. Do me a favor, at least talk to your kid about race and inequality before you send them to the school. You see, as a white you have the luxury (see white privilege) of not talking about race and racism because you don’t want to introduce the ugly idea to your precious little one.

Please don’t leave it to our kids to teach your kids. Don’t put that burden on our children. We are not responsible for your ignorance. I have a sneaky feeling that some white families don't feel comfortable or equipped to talk about racial inequalities with their kids. They default and leave it to somebody else more qualified to handle the teaching. Similar to sex education, the conversation should start at home and continue as a public dialogue. Minority kids are already swimming against the social current, and then to have to shoulder the responsibility of teaching acceptance and tolerance is unfair. Lessons on racism should not come at the expense of minority kids.

Asian Pacific American Heritage Month

May is Asian Pacific American Heritage Month. Let's celebrate! Go out and hug an Asian!

No, wait. Don't. Asians hate hugs. Seriously, it creeps most of us out. Celebrate by NOT hugging!