Patience Yee

Poverty Porn

2010-05-12T10:23:00.000-07:00

South Africa Township Tours: An “Authentic” Experience of Cape Town

"The Cape Town area is famous for beaches, wine tours and Table Mountain, among other attractions. But on a recent morning, a group of tourists set out to experience something most visitors never see - the townships where black and mixed-race South Africans were warehoused under apartheid.

"We want to show them the other side of Cape Town with this township tour," said Samantha Mtinini from Camissa Travel & Marketing. The tours take visitors to homes, schools and markets in three townships where they meet children, vendors and other residents."

Branded as a bridge to cultural understanding and economic benefits to the residents, one tour company begins with a stop in “Langa, a black township where the visitors were greeted by preschool kids singing a welcome in Xhosa and English.”

Can these tours build capacity for tolerance? Or are they the latest form of poverty porn? This time riding on the waves of visitors in South Africa attending the World Cup. While an influx of tourists will bring a small economic boost to some, most residents will not benefit from the tours. Humans are used to serve as a background for the privilege seeking a sensual experience of the “real world,” while reinforcing the Western perceptions. The poor are being exploited again for the insatiable appetite of the rich in the latest manifestation of poverty porn. Human dignity is being traded in to tease the cravings of those in power, under the guise of education and humanitarianism.

For the already marginalize population, I can almost guarantee you there was little community decision making to bring groups of tourist who will come to buy trinkets, take pictures, and leaving feeling worldly by racking up some good street cred with friends back home. A few individuals are offering these seductive tours knowing full well the object of the tours will or can do little to fight the force insertion of outsiders.

Call it cultural immersion, but it’s another form of white privilege in arousing the senses of the powerful. Stop and think for a second. If the residents of the townships have any objections to tour groups, do you think they will speak up? And to whom, exactly? Who will listen? Who will enforce boundaries? I often hear reports from world travelers that “the locals are so friendly. They are such great people, we American have a lot to learn from them.” Do these locals (if they are locals, you will find many are migrant workers feeding off the job markets) have any choice other than be friendly and smile at visitors from the developed world? Tourist are their source of income and by extension, their employer. Of course the “locals” are friendly to outsiders. The welcoming expressions tourists see are a combination of genuine human kindness coaxed out and magnified by classism and oppression.

You’ve seen Slumdog Millionaire, now come see the real thing! These township tours are little more than the Forks, Washington pilgrimage of the Twilight saga fans. I don’t have a problem with tourism. A healthy tourism industry can create robust economic growth and larger job markets. My issue with township tours is usage of people, poor people without a political voice, as objects in tourism fantasy. Slum dwellers did not give consent to be participants of this fetish act. The perpetual reinforcement of placing the third world “others” as powerless displays is the latest manifestation of prejudice and power abuse. Safaris are out, slum tours are the in. Come gawk at the struggling exotic noble people who are connected to nature and have infinite knowledge of the universe. See Edward Said and Orientalism, nuf said.

Limited Household Members on Census 2010

2010-03-24T12:45:00.000-07:00

Filling out Census 2010. Noticed that you get to check the race of up to 6 people in the household. Person 7 and + don't get to declare race. Let me jump into the stereotype that many Asian Americans have multi-generations living under the same roof. It's noted on the Census that they may call to get more info for the additional people. So I'm curious on the impact on APA households:

Will they actually call to collect the additional data?

1) If so, will language be a problem. Will they automatically use an English caller or assume a language based on person 1-6's race and use specific interpreters to call? I know if my parents get a call they'll panic if it's an English speaking call or assume it's a telemarketer. Even if it's a Chinese speaking caller, my parents will lie or hang up, because growing up in communist China made them paranoid like that. They assume everyone is "out to get us."

2) If they don't call, will APA get under counted?

Now I understand the form planners having to decide on some kind of cut off. They can't send forms with 20 spots, even 6 spots feels like overkill for a lot of families.

Asian Men

2010-03-24T11:00:00.000-07:00

Saw this over at Post Secret this weekend. Good stuff.

She Likes Chicken Feet

2010-03-11T16:45:00.000-08:00

My two year old daughter gobbled up chicken feet (Phoenix Talons) at dim sum today. I’m so happy. Made it the best day of the week. I never explained what animal/body part/name of the dish it was. Wasn’t trying to hide the fact, I was busy making sure she wouldn’t choke on the little bones and just forgot. After she studied it for a minute she said she liked the “fingers.”

Oh, she also likes to lick her own feet when bored. Not sure what that's all about.

Stopping Injustice

2010-02-26T13:39:00.000-08:00

Injustice is like an angry bull bison in mating season. You can try to take it out with BB guns, but why not find a way to buy a grenade?

We need a complete policy reform and a worldwide mindwipe to take out this muthafucka. Someone let me know when the United Federation of Planets is hiring a diversity director.

Superstitions

2010-02-25T11:15:00.000-08:00

Iris started a great post on Asian superstitions over at You Offend Me You Offend My Family. I added to the comments and thought I'd cross post here. Should hop over to the post and check out some of my fellow brainwashed bloggers' memories.

Just a few things I thought of here:

1) Sharing a pear with someone means you'll stop being friends or family. Splitting a pear "fun lay" sounds like separation in Cantonese.

2) White clothes is clothing for mourning. My grandpa wore white tennis shoes to my brother's wedding (I think on purpose to piss my mom off) my parents nearly fainted. That was 12 yrs ago and they're still mad.

This is so ingrained in my mind, I had to fight the compulsion to hide under the table while wearing the white wedding gown during my own wedding.

3) Never get an used mirror, spirits travel with mirrors.

4) Open umbrellas are spirit mediums. Never leave one open indoors.

5) Don't touch or eat any ceremonial offering food before the ceremony is over. Don't diss the spirits.

6) OMG, I totally snatch the red crayon away if I catch my kids signing their names with it!

7) Pretend you don't notice a pregnancy, even if the mama is big as a whale. Talking about an unborn baby jinx the baby's survival rate. No acknowledgment until after the Full Month Ceremony.

8) Preggies also should not visit cemeteries as lost spirits may hitch a permanent ride with the new baby.

9) Don't try to call hiking "h-un san" walk mountain/ mountain walking. Walking a mountain is taking the journey to visit your ancestor's graves.

10) Always take a couple of kids to check out a house before you commit to buying it. If the kids seem uncomfortable there, there are probably lingering evil spirits.

Short Girls

2010-02-21T09:22:00.000-08:00

I read Short Girls by Bich Minh Nguyen, and it’s like talking with a girlfriend who really “gets” me. Someone who understands where I’m coming from. She speaks the life of children of Asian immigrants. The burden and weight of filial piety. The perpetual translator syndrome. The pain of watching racial prejudice toward your own family members because they are more fresh off the boat. Self questioning and sense of betrayal in interracial dating in a white world. Subtle attitude differences between say, a third generation versus a first generation immigrant. The achievement trap when the track leads to an racially isolated middle class pond.

The novel is not just filled of angry vents like my blog. Nguyen is a crafty storyteller. Her voice filled with humor and story arc that wraps around her main characters’ last name “Luong.” The plotline rotate around Mr. Luong’s garage built grabber for short people “The Luong Arm.” The divided living experience of tall and short people is explored without shame. Finally, somebody takes battle with the insanely high vertical standard of kitchen counters at 36 inches and ceiling height cabinets at 7 feet.

At times she struggles to smoothly explain the angst of modern Asian American trials and over works with preachy immigration policy lectures. I can sympathize with her difficulties in delivering our complex grievances. Nguyen weaves racial injustice, immigration law cases, modern girl relationships, family obligations, generational and cultural gap, all within a storyline. That’s one big task.

If you want to give a shout out to modern Asian American women, it’s not Amy Tan’s bittersweet escape from communist regime and concubine stories. Read Short Girls.

Star Wars and Super Mario Brothers

2010-02-13T00:46:00.000-08:00

Why have I not made this connection before?

But somebody else has.

Color Coding

2010-02-11T12:21:00.000-08:00

Over at Angry Asian Man: Atlanta's MARTA is color coding their lines. The line going through the Asian chunk of town will be called.....wait for it.....the Yellow Line.

This reminds me of the time I was a camp counselor and we color coded the teams. Camper were little kids so using primary colors made sense. 'cause you know they're innocent little kids. Red, Blue, and Yellow. Me, the only person of color in the ENTIRE department, was Yellow Team Leader. My timid barely out of teenage self decided to keep quiet. I can tell none of the other staff made the yellow connection. During the first week, one of my eight years-old campers said to his friends "We're the Yellow Team because our counselor is yellow."

Okay. We're changing to Gold Team next week.

Who Is Considered More “Native”? Me vs. Reindeer

2009-12-24T10:41:00.000-08:00

During Week One of my Midwest vacation-adventure, we visited a local reindeer ranch. My kids got to pet Blitzen as well as ride on a real horse (As did I, too.) The rancher told us that reindeer were imported from Siberia to Alaska as livestock in 1892.

Wait, what? Haha, Chinese have been in US territory decades before reindeer.

ROFLMAO!

Avatar: The White Savior Story

2009-12-18T19:26:00.000-08:00

I saw Avatar on the opening midnight showing. I know….hard core, right? I’m visiting family in the Midwest and honestly…..I don’t know what else to do out here but watch every movie out this season.

(Spoilers warning. Not like it was a surprising plot, but don’t day I didn’t warn you!)

SciFi-wise, Avatar is freaking unbelievable! CG quality was amazing. The humanoid aliens were so realistic that sometimes I forgot they’re not real. The landscaping was magnificent. The animals were fakey and less lifelike in comparison. Reminded me of old school Jurassic Park dinos. Other pluses: OMG wicked awesome aircrafts; alien nookie; a few minority minor characters (with speaking roles even – gasp!); and characters falling in love while swooping through aerial stunts on pterosaurs thingies. Hawt.

Here comes my view: Countless John Smith - Pocahontas, noble savage, colonial cliché view crammed enough up your ass that you'll never have a bowel movement again. It was Dances With Wolves/The Last Samurai/Planet of the Apes/Power of One on scifi steroids. There’s no end to the stereotypes, graceful indigenous people freeballing in war paint, bow and arrows, “tribal” music full of chants, drums, and flutes, spiritually connect to Mother nature, large group hypnotic ceremonies, the works. I half expected to see an Ewok to jump out on screen. Or straight at my being a 3d movie.

Story is from the corrupted, emotionally broken man, Jake Scully, as he learns the ways of the noble people, falls in love with the hottie native, rallies the people and defeats the powerful money hungry invaders (aka corporate.) Going native and saving the savages…. a white man’s wet dream. I mean the new girlfriend’s betroth, the alpha warrior, even end up forgiving our dear Jake and the two totally become BFF. That is until Alpha dies honorable death.

I enjoyed Avatar and wouldn’t mind seeing it again. And you should go see it, too. It’s a visual feast. But acknowledge it as the white savior story that it is. They just replaced brown/yellow/ black with blue ten foot tall, four fingered aliens. What's White Savior? See here.

Also, what’s up with the ending song “I See You”? Was that Celine singing?

"I'm Chinese American" says my seven year old daughter.

2009-12-10T21:16:00.000-08:00

My first grade daughter's class is doing a whole "cultural sharing" unit this month. It's like "ethnic" show-and-tell. Kids bring something from home to share about their culture. My overachieving self made a lantern using the skin of a pomelo for her to bring to class. Old school.

This week, our dinner guest asked my girl "Which culture did you pick to share with your class?" As in: "Did you bring a white folk thing or some mythical Chinese item?" My daughter matter-of-factly said "I didn't pick one. I shared about me. I'm Chinese American."

I just about fell out of my chair from sheer joy. She didn't feeling like she had to pick sides! She understood what it means to be Chinese American, (at a 7 year old level) she really got it. I can tell from the look on her face she was not just repeating my words. She really felt it.

It's not a pass-fail. Her search for identity is not "over." Hapa questions and loyalty feelings will continue to be in our daily lives. But for a moment that night, just a brief moment I heard angels singing hallelujah.

T-Mobile Butt Dialing Commercial

2009-12-07T21:21:00.000-08:00

You guys remember T-Mobile's wicked awesome commercial for their flip Blackberry?

Coolness Factor Number One: features a South Asian couple who's "normal" and don't end up as the butt of the joke. (Pun intended)

Coolness Factor Number Two: It's totally tight.

I used #1 and #2 in a butt related post. Yeah, I went there.

Can You Find 7 Differences Between These Two Pictures?

2009-11-16T22:29:00.000-08:00

Above: US poster Below: UK poster

Promo posters for Couples Retreat. People got pissed. Universal issued an apology and promised not to use that set of promo material. I'm not even sure what else I need to say about this.

Except maybe they should make a giant 20 foot banner of Ken Jeong playing the therapist for the Asia circuits?

American Man Seeks Chinese Woman

2009-11-08T20:40:00.000-08:00

Not too surprised to see this ad this week. Crap like this show up all the damn time. This one is tame in comparison. Just search "Asian dolls" and you'll see. (Like I did when I was looking for an Asian doll for my daughter's birthday.

I was a bit disappointed to find the above add in the Northwest Asian Weekly. Not to dig at NWAW, because I love their paper. Just you know...vexed that they allow this ad to run. I seem to remember seeing similar personals in their classifies before, but this time it really ticked me off. Maybe I'm just having a bad day.

Come people, chime in. Leave a comment for me. What should I do? Call this fine specimen of American pride and give him a piece of my mind? Write NWAW and remind them this guy is preying on our community? What about free speech? This ad is not illegal. Is it so different than looking for a multilingual nanny?

Talk to me friends. I'm not sure what action to take.

Does Work Place Suicide Warrant Investigation?

2009-11-03T23:24:00.000-08:00

Last November, an University of Washington custodian committed suicide by setting himself on fire amist the heavily traveled Red Square on campus. In Soo Chun was a 61 yr old Korean American citizen. Co-workers speculates hostile work environment as the cause of Chun's distress.

Several students risked their lives to intervene Chun. One stood in the puddle of gasoline, unsuccesfully trying to take the matches from him, then more students rush to beat the flames out. In Soo Chun had no immediate family. Students held a small memorial for Chun last week in the Red Square a year after his death.

Let me say up front that I don't know the situation beyond the few local articles. UW official cited no clear need for further inquiries. There was not , nor will be, any formal investigation of the suicide. Here is what's bothering me. UW press release said they offered him counseling through the university employee program, Carelink, which he declined. I went thought their website, and I have a feeling that services were only offered in English. Chun spoke English, but not having services in his first language is a factor to consider. I'm just guessing here.

I also have to ask, if the man had surviving family would UW be able to get by without an investigation? I mean....people, a man doused himself with gasoline and set himself on fire during the middle of the day at his former work place. People tried to stop him. He made eye contact with more than one student before lighting the match. This isn't enough cause for some kind of investigation? I don't know the proper procudure to these things. Shouldn't it be required?

Usually I'm very proud of how UW supports and stands by their staff and students. However, I feel like in this case, they are taking advantage of a man with little connection and no one left to fight for his rights.

Amelia, Hazel, and Katherine.

2009-10-24T17:57:00.000-07:00

Hazel Ying Lee

I had the chance to see Amelia this week. Let me just say that any screen presentation of an admired and sensationalized pioneering women aviator, such as Amelia Earhart, is tricky business. You can’t please everyone. I personally loved it. I’ll watch it again. I do wish there was more about the intricacy of a pilot’s life and less on the painful romance with Richard Gere. Their kisses were as awkward as Luke and Leia’s smooches. But those strained moments may have been director Mira Nair’s way to communicate Earhart’s reluctance toward marriage.

I was expecting, or at least faithfully hoping, to see POCs in the movie. None. Maybe I missed it, but didn’t see one yellow or brown face in the movie. I knew they would not splurge for a supporting character of color. I would have settled for a background pilot.

I wanted to bring up some early Chinese American aviation accomplishments during Earhart’s era. My knowledge is limited to Chinese American contributions:

Anna Low: In 1918, became the first Chinese American women aviator.

Hazel Ying Lee: The first Chinese American women in Women Airforce Service Pilots (WASP.)

Katherine Cheung: First Chinese American women licensed pilot in 1931. One of the original member of Ninety-Nines. You know the women pilot organization Earhart served as the first president. There's a short video of Katherine's granddaughter talking about her inspirations.

Leah Hing: Joined the Civil Air Patrol during WWII.

Wong Tsu: The Boeing Company’s first engineer in 1916.

Thanks for opening the sky. Hats (or headsets) off to you!

Funky Shiitake Mushrooms

2009-10-21T14:09:00.000-07:00

My good friend over at Big Trendy posted about the Funky Shiitake Mushrooms.

I have to admit, I felt a little weird loving these guys. Stereotypical Asian nerd kids. Do we really need to dig deeper into our dreaded Long Duk Dong grave? But damn it, I don't care. They won freakin' robotics contests! They built their own remote controlled hybrid airships.

I have to remind myself that these five are not the lone AA outcast in a midwestern school, who bond together and fend off teasing from the white kids. Hailing from Mission San Jose High School in Fremont California, the school population is 75% AA.

FSM, you are officially rock stars to me. Come on over to dinner. I just shopped Costco today. Plenty of food for you over here. Love to have you five nerd out and play video games here.

Louisianna Justice of Peace Refuse to Marry Interacial Couple

2009-10-15T14:04:00.000-07:00

Keith Bardwell denied marriage license to an interracial couple.

"I don't do interracial marriages because I don't want to put children in a situation they didn't bring on themselves," Bardwell said. "In my heart, I feel the children will later suffer."

If he does an interracial marriage for one couple, he must do the same for all, he said.

Bardwell said he is not a racist. Keith, I'd like to invite you over for dinner at my house. Hang out with my hapa kids. We can read Goodnight Moon and sip hot chocolate by the fireplace. Let's chat. I know you mean well, but other people's family planning is not your decision. It's 2009. Two thousand freaking nine, people! We're suppose to have robot butlers and eye-tronic chips by now. Not wasting our time shutting down interracial relationships.

He may be racist, but I gotta say the man is consistent.

If I take a vacation . . .

2009-10-10T09:47:00.000-07:00

This could be ME!

There are many reasons I want to visit the Bay Area. Golden Gate Bridge, Chinatown, Alkatraz, the Camera Obscura and Holographic Gallery, Angel Island. But the truth is, I'm most excited about taking a Zeppelin ride offered by Airship Ventures. I can even be an airship pilot for a day! Only $2950!

Kissy Kissy

2009-10-06T13:50:00.000-07:00

Saw this over at Disgrasian. Ya Ying-Ching, Taiwanese music student and artist living in Paris. She's kissing 100 men around town and blogging pictures of the smooches. Call me a slut if you want, but she is totally my new hero!

You can question her morals or value, but you can't deny that those are some great pictures. Most of them are very romantic. I like her sometimes whimsical composition mix with the use of shadows and reflections. Plus she goes around with a cute little dog. My sixteen year old inner self just put on a set of big dreamy eyes.

Although you can totally tell that some douche bags were trying to cop a feel or slip in some unwelcome tongue. Thanks dudes...

Bird Vs. Window

2009-09-25T14:08:00.000-07:00

Pulled into my driveway after dropping my zen wisdom daughter at school. I noticed a smudge on the living room window. Unlike the two dozen hand prints left by my toddler's pudgy food covered fingers, this blur was on the OUTSIDE of the window. I was filled with a sense of dread that this will be a holy miracle. What if I see Jesus' face? The Virgin? Will tears of blood appear tomorrow? Will I have to convert? Will crowds line-up down our quiet little street? Will my yard be filled with flowers and candles?

After procrastinating all afternoon, I finally examined the smudge with much hesitation.

A bird flew into the window head on.

No dead bird found on the lawn. Wow. Click on the picture for a better view.

Census Worker Possibily Murdred For Being a Government Worker

2009-09-23T21:03:00.000-07:00

Holy Shit! We still tar and feather people in the country? A census worker was found hanged in rural Kentucky. With "Fed" marked on his chest. Damn. I can't believe I'm reading this. What kind of crazy sicko did this? And you know this kind of thing involves more than one perpetrator.

No Impact Man

2009-09-18T08:49:00.000-07:00

On a recent grocery trip to my not so local Whole Foods, I saw a poster advertising a book signing. Whole Foods is kinda far from my house, because my “high diversity” neighborhood is not gentrified enough to support a high end store like Whole Foods. Or Whole Paycheck Foods, as my aunt and uncle likes to call them, since that’s what you’ll have to spend to shop there.

Anyway, the visiting author is Colin Beavan the No Impact Man, who along with his wife and toddler daughter, took a year long journey to live green and leave as little environmental impact as possible. It is reduce, reuse, recycle on steroids. No electricity, toilet paper, and creature comforts most of us depend on. Beavan started out as a blogger and is now touring the country with his newly published book, the holy grail of all bloggers.

I have not read his book, the documentary, or his blog. I’m sure the book is printed on post-consumer recycled paper and with soy-based ink. I have no problem with his green venture and social statement. Okay, maybe a little problem with his views. But it still tickles me that he’s selling his how-to guide via book. With paper. Made from trees. Wishing you success and great selling, Colin!

Boston to Space in $150

2009-09-15T14:32:00.000-07:00

MIT students Oliver Yeh and Justin Lee launched a $150 weather balloon and camera over 17 miles above the earth’s surface. Yeh's a local boy, so I'm sure he'll do some publicity stuff around Seattle soon. Was it the penny pinching old Asian grandma influence or the lifestyle of poor-student-ramen-based diet that got these two to create a cheap space exploration tool? Maybe both.

You guys rock! Can’t wait for you to post the video and your how-to guide on your website. Way to open up space for the common folks.

Maybe Ichiro Had a Giant Zit That Day.

2009-09-13T22:35:00.000-07:00

Is it just me or does this look like a bad Photoshop job? I got this from The Seattle Times after Ichiro's 200th hit. I don't know....looks kinda like they cut his face from another picture and pasted it on. Reminds me of the Microsoft black guy-white face switch Polish ad.

Oh yeah, and good job Ichiro. Go Mariners!

Secret Asian Man

2009-09-09T00:49:00.000-07:00

This past year, I started a love affair with graphic novels and comic strips. There’s been a rising number of Asian American themed graphic novels. We belong together. They get me. And I get them. Here’s a strip that I love: Secret Asian Man. The main website is here. And the 8/30 one is for all your padawans out there!

BTW, up until a couple years ago I did think the song Secret Agent Man was really Secret Asian Man. A common mistake, I've been told. I used to feel deeply ashamed that I loved a song that poke fun of Asians. Turns out my problem was not internalized racism. It was not being savvy enough to Google song lyrics. I was so young and naive.

Buh bye, Hello Kitty

2009-09-03T16:56:00.000-07:00

My sister-in-law went back to Hong Kong for summer vacation in July. The one request from my sweet zen daughter was a pair of Hello Kitty sandals. Okay, easy enough to buy at the shopping cheap knock-off capital of the world.

Not so. Unable to locate such footwear after a month, my SIL asked her teenie-bopper cousins where to buy ‘em meow-meow paraphernalia. “Nobody buys Hello Kitty stuff anymore. We’re moved on to new characters.”

Oh Snap! Bitch got replaced! Well, US is usually two years behind on the Asian hip scene. My little ones still has time for more Hello Kitty craze here. Honestly, HK and friends' been strong for decades. You haven't seen the last of her and her pack. Maybe it'll be just less.

Where are you REALLY from?

2009-08-21T23:50:00.000-07:00

I have this little dream that one day I will bind up (bind as in pages, not feet) all the frustrations my generation of Asian Americans face into a neat little book.

Them: Where are you from?
Me: Seattle.
Them: *Scoff. Laugh as if I made a cheeky joke.* No no, where are you really from?

Most times I just give up and tell them want they want to hear. Why does this crap bother me....imagine going up to every black you meet with "Hi. Nice to meet you. Were your ancestors slaves?" Or better yet, go up to a white and ask "Were your great-great-great-grandparents slave owners?"

Why does it matter and it's none of your business, so shut ya mouth!?!? Don't get me wrong, I am proud of being an immigrant. My life story is the backbone of my identity and my conscience. I love talking about ME. ME. ME. I don't even know what part of "Where are you really from?" that bothers me. I feel like people ask it only to satisfy some sick curiosity. They rarely go beyond labeling me as "assimilated immigrant" or "model minority."

At times, I can feel them doing mental calculations to assess if I have linguistically and culturally assimilated into mainstream white America. Internally checking if my English skills and mannerism justify two decades on US soil. Am I paranoid? Maybe. But more often than not, the rest of the conversation confirms my suspicion. Here's a list of What-I-really-Want-To-Say to Where-Are-You-Really-From?

Them: Oh, but you speak English so well.
Me: Yes. Thank you US education system.

Them: Do you visit your home often?
Me: Yes, I go home every night.

Them: I love PF Chang. Isn't this place great?
Me: Sure.
*If you don't get this one, see comedian Dat Phan's clip.

Them: Are you disappointed that you only have two daughters? You must be trying for a boy next time.
Me: Yeah, my girls are a disappointment. Want to buy them? I'm not keeping the next one, if it's another girl. For the record, I'm not "trying for a boy" as much as "trying to have hot steamy sex."

Them: I heard about the typhoon/earthquake/flood/wrath of God in Asia. Are your relatives okay?
Me: Thank you so much for your concern and kind thoughts. Luckily my family lives in Seattle and the typhoon/earthquake/flood/wrath of God only hit a small section on the other side of the continent from my ancestral home.

(If I don't get some pop culture reference)
Them: Oh, that's right! I forgot you didn't grow up here.
Me: If I didn't rush to the opening night of Harry Potter, that doesn't make me a foreigner, you dumbass.

Them: Must have been so hard growing up a Communist.
Me: ?

(At potluck party)
Them: Did you bring authentic Chinese food? I'm so excited to try some.
Me: I baked a homemade apple pie. (discontended sighs seep in around me)

Them: Your people's . . . xyz blah blah.
Me: My people can kick your collective asses.

(If I am in possession of any ethnic looking food, even if it's in a take-out Styrofoam container inside in a "Thank You" plastic bag with plastic utensils.)
Them: Oh My God! Did you make that?
Me: No, I got my order to-go. And no, it's not food from my family's business.

Fetish in the Raw

2009-08-19T17:03:00.000-07:00

Update: I replied to the post. Never heard back. Wuss ass.

I don't even know why ads like this still surprise me, especially on Craigslist.

Party Girls/Hostess (West Seattle)
Looking for two girls to serve drinks at an afternoon BBQ for 7-10 guys this Thursday. Totally legit, no sex, you just come dressed in a cute/hot summer outfit, serve drinks and mingle with mostly a bunch of married guys. You should be easy on the eyes and be a decent conversationalist (English is required, Chinese is a plus).

I'll pay $50 per girl for 4 hours plus all you can eat/drink and a ride home if you need it. I prefer the two girls know each other so you both can feel more at ease. You should both be 25-35 years old.

Send pics for consideration. Please put BBQ in the subject of your reply so I know you are real.

Dude, are YOU for real? Chinese is a plus!?!?! Thanks for reassuring me that you're not a bunch of desperate single men, but secure married men who need to live out your South Pacific fantasy.

I kinda want to reply and ask if he's got an Asian fetish or perhaps it's a party for a bunch of Chinese speaking men. Yes, this is an ad from Seattle Craigslist for those of you who automatically assume Seattle don't have their share of racists.

Why are Asian kids so good at math?

2009-08-18T08:47:00.000-07:00

You Offend Me You Offend My Family’s post, Worst Childhood Punishment, made me laugh so hard I was crying and choking on my own spit. I have totally seen my friends’ folks, my aunts and uncles, and upset parents on the street pulling the same deal. “Shut voice! Go die! Kill yourself. USELESS. Suicide. You kill me! DIE!”

My grandpa used to take my cousins and I on walks to the park. He had us pick out tung dtew, or wicker sticks, to be used for beating us when we got in trouble. My cousins and I competited over who will get Grandpa's priase and approval for finding the best tung dtew. Even as a kid, I remember thinking that was pretty fucked up, but hell yeah I was still trying to win. I spent all afternoon picking out sticks instead of climbing around the playground. It may have been a sick game, but I was still determinded to win!

My parents were very forward thinking and didn’t hit me. They sheild me from my grandparent's hands. My older brothers were spanked, but by the time I came along they decided a gentle girl like me didn’t need any physical punishment. *see note

Where I did get it from was school in Hong Kong. Hand slaps by wooden ruler in from of 40 other students. Standing in the corner while pulling down on your own ear lopes while holding a sitting position over a phantom chair for an hour. Good times. Good times.

When I started school in the US, I was told but still didn’t believe this mythical school system that does not involve dehumanizing methods. During my first months in US schools, I constantly checked out the teachers’ desk to see what size ruler each teacher used. I was shocked the teachers had the gall to display their rulers so boldly in pen cups. Brandishing their hitting stick next to their pile of good job sticker. These teachers didn’t even bother to respectfully stow their weapon inside the desk drawers, away from plain sight. I was scared out of my mind by these ballsy tall white middle-aged ladies. Couple of years went by before I stop anticipating a hand slapping session for talking out of turn. Or being called to stand in front of the entire class while my teacher chastised me for getting a F- on a test. Yes, that was one of my Hong Kong teacher’s routine after every test. The student with the lowest grade got a loud special one-on-one heart to heart in front of the whole friggin’ class. Even with this kind of routine, I still didn’t study hard. I was one lazy mofo back then.

Now I see my daughter in elementary school, with every lesson in the form of a game. Math and science are taught with circle time songs -kumbayah style. Cute macaroni and cotton ball projects for their little minds to roam with. I’m happy my children can learn without the looming fear of physical abuse. But part of me feels like shouting “Fuck this shit! Back in my days…..we got slapped around, and we liked it!”

Do you still wonder how international students from Asia rock at math? There’s a reason. We were saving our little hinds with the quadratic equation. Mulitiplying out way out of a beating. I never complain about our (humane) US education system. Call it maladaptive preferences, but I just can't complain.

*note: My mom said she stopped corporal punishment after she threw a pair of scissors at my brother. He still has a six inch scar to proof it. Holy shit…..WTF, Mom?

I wanna grow up to be just like Long Bach Nguyen!

2009-08-16T19:29:00.000-07:00

In addition to my zen conversations with my daughter series, I will begin posting on Asian Americans I admire. This is the first of the "I wanna grow up to be just like you" series.

Seattle-based Long Bach Nguyen is my hero of the week. World traveler. Professional pilot. Volunteer Civil Air Patrol search and rescue commander. Aerial photographer. Immigrant. Sounds like a fun person to be around.

The Seattle Times wrote an article on him this week. You can find his photography here. Some of his take-off and landings pictures serve as an useful learning tool for my own flights.

My favorite is the final approach to Port Orchard airport. That place cracks me up. Not the smallest airport by any means. Yet it totally gave me a very rural truck stop feeling the first time I landed there. I half expected some guy with a beer in hand making a call on a wall payphone. Or a diner waitress in a bright yellow uniform with white apron outside on a smoke break. But in reality it was 8pm and nobody was in sight. Must have all been down at the local tavern shooting pool or something.

My New Favorite Blog

2009-08-11T23:54:00.000-07:00

Got this site through Angry Asian Man. My new favorite blog is You Offend Me You Offend My Family. It's only been up and running for a month. Already filled with insightful perspective such as In Defense of Yellow Fever, because seriously....who can resist us hot Asian women?

The blog is penned by 8 different writers. I can't wait to read more from this group. What really got You Offend Me an overnight sensation in the AA blogsphere is actor Roger Fan's stand against racist typecasting. He refused to be objectified as an Asian background for the Red Dawn remake, perhaps at the expense of his career. We applaud you, Roger! Your courage makes us proud.

Pandas in Space!

2009-08-07T14:16:00.000-07:00

There was a space program panel discussion back in 2008 on China’s position in space travel development. The talk was titled “Pandas in Orbit: China’s Space Challenge.”

Really? You’ve gotta be kidding me right? Do we have to effing caricature China’s space program as cute harmless dim-witted pandas? Economic powerhouses Hong Kong, Singapore, S Korea, and Taiwan got coined the Four Asian Tigers and sending people to the moon got…..fuzzy pandas? Sure, they’re red and when it comes to space race, we’re used to hating reds. At least China’s program might get them to the moon in a decade.

I should note that US space program is suffering because we’re a little bit old school. The “median age for engineers in the U.S. space program is well over 50 (with 26% eligible to retire in 2008). The average age for Shenzhou program engineers is 36, and only 33 for China’s “Chang E” (pronounced “tchang-uh”) lunar program.”

They may be pandas, but they are young cuddly educated pandas in overstuffed spacesuits sitting on top of a rocket. Enjoy the view from your rocking chairs turkeys!

Portland Oregon Hate Crime

2009-08-05T16:32:00.000-07:00

Hate crime against a Vietnamese American man in Portland Oregon. Vuong was sitting in his car at a stop light when four white men shouted racial slurs, banged his car, and threw BAGELS at him. Bao Vuong escaped uninjured.

Yes, it's 2009. Yes, this hate crime happened on a west coast city. And my friends and family wonder why I'm so paranoid all the time.

Chia Fro

2009-07-29T23:13:00.000-07:00

Is this for real? Seriously? There are two versions: happy Obama with a grin and heroic looking chia determined Obama. On sale at Amazon.

How does this help?

2009-07-29T09:28:00.000-07:00

$300 per seat charity event, $250 of which is used to host the trendy dinner and “traditional ethnic “ performances. Why? So we can pat ourselves on our backs and feel good that we contributed. Heaven forbid the charity dinner wasn't swanky and you're not wearing a brand new $500 gown.

I guess the point is to get drunk off the free booze and donate thousands of dollars while uninhibited.

It's Done.

2009-07-21T20:00:00.000-07:00

A bike shop opened in our neighborhood this month. Gentrification is complete.

Although, now I have an irresistible urge to get a bike.

Robopanda

2009-07-20T10:28:00.000-07:00

because regular live pandas are not cool enough.

Neda Video Response

2009-07-18T23:27:00.000-07:00

Repost from Racialicious:

American “Activism”: On the Neda Video, and Other Images of the Brutal Third World by Catherine A. Traywick. I wish I wrote this article. Well written piece on the obssesion in casting the third world as helpless victims to set up the west's self-serving savior mentality.

How to Fight Zombies...ya know just FYI

2009-07-17T23:58:00.000-07:00

Short Videos: Matt and John Yuan’s practical guide to zombie identification and basic combat techniques. You may recognize the Yuan twins from Observe and Report. Anywho, good stuff. Take some notes and keep a copy of their instructions in your emergency first aid kit.

Slow stomping zombies. Totally forgot about that kind. Written spells? I have a little written spell I carry around in my wallet for protection against evil, maybe it’ll stop Chinese zombies too. Don’t know if my mom had zombie killing function in mind when she blessed that paper.

Thousand Hand Buddha

2009-07-17T09:13:00.000-07:00

Saw Thousand Hand Guan Yin performance on TV years ago. Finally found it on youtube. (Thank you Internet) It’s a good thing I didn’t see this performance when I was a kid. The Buddha statues already scared the crap out of me. I used to hid my face behind my brothers so I wouldn’t have to make eye contact with the unnervingly serene figures during our temple visits. Had I seem something like this when I was little, I totally would have been waiting for the Guan Yin’s hands to move. Actually, I kinda don’t want to look over to our shrine right now. I’m going to avoid her gentle gaze for a few days.

Ramen Warrior!

2009-07-15T03:53:00.001-07:00

Hey, look at that! Even comes in kid's size. Get yours at SumoFish Designs. Check out Sushi Robot, too. Saw SumoFish's booth at the Seattle International District Summer Festival this weekend. Awesome shirts. Very vibrate colors. I'd totally pimp one out.

Neighborhood Gentrification

2009-07-14T23:50:00.000-07:00

The Seattle Times had a feel good story on the rising number of POC in local schools. The rise is credited to immigration and rising minority birth rate in comparison to the white counterpart. The districts following the minority-is-now- the-majority trend are Seattle, Tukwila, Highline, Renton, Federal Way and Tacoma. The article makes no connection that all these districts are in suburban south Puget Sound.

My theory of the current rise of POC in the south end schools, with no statistics or documented observations, pegs it as a side affect of gentrification. During the housing boom of the early 2000’s POC were priced out of the wealthier neighborhoods. Whites dominated the north end and east side. POC with houses in the city were bought out. Young POC are unable to purchase within the greater city limits. Many sought the relatively affordable housing in southern Puget Sound. POC populations were displaced to the outer fringes of Seattle. Now this group is starting families and school population is showing the housing relocation pattern. I don’t think there’s a significant rise of immigration flow or higher POC birthrates. I see the rise formed by the relocation of POC populations to the slightly lower priced south Puget Sound housing market. That’s my two cents. Or my one cent, since I can’t afford north Seattle properties.

The Reason to Buy a Prius is . . .

2009-07-09T11:23:00.000-07:00

Prius = A Middle and Upper Class Give Yourself a Pat on the Back BandAid Solution

Yeah. I said it!

I Heart Spam

2009-07-04T20:04:00.000-07:00

Spam, eggs, and rice on the Hawaii MacDonald's breakfast menu? I'm sure some of you already know this, but it's news to me.

Oh, hell yeah. I want to go to Hawaii now! Get me some taro pie and hot ramen noodles! Mr. Cheap Stuff has some tasty pictures of the yummies.

Zen Conversation with My Daughter, Episode 3

2009-07-01T20:31:00.001-07:00

I shouted across the playground to my daughter informing her we'll be leaving in 5 minutes. I believe in being a fair parent, allowing for plenty of warnings and open communication to minimize misunderstandings between us. She didn't answer so I shouted pass the slides and monkey bars if she heard me. She threw me an icy glare. The reply shamed me:

"EVERYBODY heard you, Mom."

Harsh. I thought I was a cool edgy mom to my six year old. We read comic books for bedtime, watched Miami Ink together, I let her help pick out my tattoo design, took her on trips for weeks across states and continents, taught her all the bad words so she can learn them from me instead of some snot at the playground, took her to indy film screenings, shepherded her in finding her hapa identity, hell, I dyed her hair hot pink when she was three.

Today? Today, I planted myself firmly into the soil of "Parents Who Just Don't Get It."

MacGyver, how do you spell 911?

2009-06-30T13:17:00.000-07:00

"Ma, I need a ride home."

Remember domestic phone cards? Back when cell phone companies charged for long distance calls? Back when advertizing "500 national minutes" was a big friggin' deal? My parents are the only people left who still use phone cards for their China calls. Skype is beyond their comprehension. I'm still working on explaining the difference between fax and email. One step at a time.

I miss Richard Dean Anderson's commercials for prepaid phone card, Minute Pass. Why bother using a phone when MacGyver's there? Give him an eraser, a Hershey bar, and a yard of carpet remenant, he'll Bat Signal to Tijuana for you.

Hold up, is that child being kidnapped in the background? That kid does NOT look like he wants to get into the back of the van. Run, child, run! Go into the desert!

Archipelago

2009-06-26T11:00:00.001-07:00

Archipelago: Amazing Seattle-based company producing saucy Asian pride apparel. I've admired their work over the years. Months ago, I visited my neighbor, Ferdinand. As our daughters played Littlest Pet Shop in the basement, I spotted a box full of Archipelago t-shirts. Our conversation went something like this:

Me: I love those shirts! I've see their stuff around town. You sure bought a lot. Guess you're a big fan. Hey look, they're still neatly wrapped in packaging.

Ferdinand: Uh, thanks. We made them.

Me: Really?

Ferdinand: My sisters and I created Archipelago.

Me: Wicked! Does this mean I can buy Archipelago stuff online and not pay for shipping and handling?

When you're going through the website, check out the Links under Community. It's a great list of resource.

How friggin' neat is it when you meet people you are suppose to be friends with? Ferdinand and family are very active in the local community. A positive force supporting Asian American development. They are one of my favorite neighbors.

OMG, IT'S RYU!!!

2009-06-25T10:10:00.000-07:00

Shinkuu Hadouken
Ryu vs. Ken
FIGHT!

Photo from: Around the Americas. Expedition by a group of bad-asses sailing all around North and South America. Their mission statement:

"Our mission is to build awareness throughout the Americas
of increasing threats to our fragile ocean environment
and to mobilize North and South Americans to
take action to improve the health of our oceans."

If only Chun Li is on the crew, too.

I for one, am thankful we had Jon and Kate

2009-06-24T08:57:00.000-07:00

Say what you will about Jon and Kate. She's the devil. Emotionally abusive relationship. Spoiled kids. Still, it was a refreshing and empowering change to see a hapa family on national television. My heart cheers when I see that fun down to earth Asian man who is gettin' some! An Asian man gets to be in a relationship with a strong-willed woman? Sure she's crazy, but at least they are not reinforcing the stereotype of an Asian man with submission Asian wife, breeding a quiet little obedient troop of look alike kids. Oh wait, they do look alike, but quiet they are not.

It's debatable how many steps our society took backwards when Kate proclaims her love for Jon's Asian eyes and her china doll kids. At the very least an Asian man is portrayed as sexually desirable and can even hook up with college hotties. Way to show mainstream our men as the *gasp* studs they are! Thanks Jon and Kate. It's been great.

Cost of Opportunity

2009-06-21T00:10:00.000-07:00

My daughter, US born citizen.

Living in the United States is wonderful adventure, but don't forget about the entry fee. Here are a few examples of USCIS fees:

For a legal resident to become a US citizen:

Biometric (fingerprinting): $80

N-400 Application for US Naturalization: $595

Petition for family members to reunite in the United States includes but not limited to:

I-130 Application for Relative Alien: $330

I-485 Application to Register Permanent Residency: $930 ($600/child under 14)

*May also need a work visa while waiting for permanent residency, see below.

Non-immigrant work visa

I-765 Application for Employment Authorization: $340 (Fee charged at every renewal term)

Certain cases such as refugees or crime victims can waive the fees. There are organizations such as the Northwest Immigration Rights Project guiding low-income immigrants through the complex and expensive immigration system. This is a friendly reminder: Don't take your citizenship status for granted.

Good Pho U

2009-06-15T23:29:00.000-07:00

NICE.

Flying with Your Best Friend Cross Country

2009-06-13T23:37:00.000-07:00

His dog really is his co-pilot.

You have got to be kidding me.

Buy your Mutt Muffs here.

PETA vs. 2010 Vancouver Olympics

2009-06-10T13:44:00.000-07:00

Fuck. This is twisted.

PETA is riding on the 2010 Vancouver Olympics' publicity to demand an end to Canadian seal hunting. PETA spoofed the Olympic mascots into a pack of blood thirsty hooligans. I understand what they are trying to do, but is cute satirical cartoon characters really the most effective way to end the unjustice of inhumane hunting practices? Seriously, Badtz-Maru looks more pissed off than the three evil mascots put together. Their website left my jaw hanging. I personally found the site tasteless and unavailing. It left me feeling that this particular PETA committee had so much fun mocking the Olympics that they missed their own agenda of animal rights. Features include:

* Printable COLORING PAGES of murderous Quatchi, bloody wing tipped Sumi, and a zombie-like Miga.
* Clip of evil mascot trio chasing down a baby seal and then standing over the oozing carcass.
* Hockey stick wielding Olympic logo that whacks on a seal when you roll the cursor on the image.
* A link tab titled "More Fun!" to access e-cards, protest photos, stickers, and Kid's Corner.

For people who love animals, they sure spent a lot of time and energy generating violent images. The shock value is suppose to get my attention enough to support their cause. But I am just plain shocked.